Monday, October 11, 2010

Columbus Day at the Pumpkin Patch

Here in Massachusetts, Columbus Day is a day off for both of us, so we headed out to a Pumpkin Patch to enjoy the fall weather. Gotta love 3 day weekends!

Not sure what that sad expression is for in this picture. She definitely loved that donut!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Fun at the farm

Today, Elizabeth and I had a great day with my friend Misty and her son. We hung out at Misty's for a while, then headed to nearby farm, which had pigs, sheep, cows, goats, bunny rabbits and delicious ice cream :)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I'm back, and thoughts about adoption

Hey, sorry for the absence. Things here have been busy but good. I am really liking our new place. I'm still unpacking, but have definitely made progress. Miss E is awesome in all her 3 year old feistiness :) She is continuing to cry when I drop her off at Day Care, but stops right after I leave (I know this, because she and her teacher cheerfully wave to me from the window when I get outside). She is getting very excited for Halloween, and says she wants to be a queen. (hmm, Queen fits!)
So...I do a lot of reading online about adoption. Lately, I've been reading lots of blogs written by adult adoptees. Many of them are actually quite anti adoption. As an adoptive Mom, it's not always easy to read about their hurt and anger about not being raised by their biological families. Most of them say that while they were growing up, they never felt like they could express any negative feelings about being adopted. They felt like were supposed to feel "grateful" and that expressing anything besides happiness about their adoption would hurt their adoptive parents feelings. They were given the message by society that they were "saved" by adoption from a life of poverty and neglect/abuse by their "unfit" biological parents.
Ok. It goes without saying that I don't ever want Elizabeth to feel this way. First of all, I have never felt like I "saved" her. She was a beautiful, healthy baby girl. If I hadn't adopted her, someone else would have. And what if she hadn't had to be adopted at all? I think about her birth mom (J), and wonder, was there a way that E could have stayed with her? Did CPS do enough to try to reunify E with J? What if there was something more that could have been done to help J so she could have parented Elizabeth? I look back at some of my posts during my first year with E, before the adoption was finalized, and I cringe. It was all about my feelings. My dream was coming true, I had a beautiful baby girl. I couldn't see beyond my fear that it would fall through, and I'd "lose" Elizabeth. In some of those old posts, I talk about my anxiety about E's visits with her bio parents, about trying to "survive" them. I didn't want J to succeed, because I wanted Elizabeth. Ugg...I sounded very entitled and just, uggg...I'm not very proud of some of what I wrote. I'd like to think I've learn and grown through this whole process, so that I can be the best adoptive parent to Elizabeth I can be. Will she feel sad, or angry that she was not raised by J and K? Maybe. If she does, I hope she will feel like she can talk to me about those feelings. I hope she'll know that I won't feel threatened or hurt if she talks about about wanting to know her birth parents. It would hurt me actually to know that she had those feelings and didn't think she could talk to me about them. I'm in this completely with Miss E. I will support her through all of it.
On a lighter note, my twin nephews are 11 today- unbelievable!! We're all going out to dinner tonight to celebrate. Pizza- yum!!
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