Thursday, January 31, 2013

My head is going to explode!

So, as I've mentioned before, I read a lot of adoption blogs. Many of them have pretty strong views on adoption, both pro-adoption, and anti-adoption. I've read blogs that tout adoption as God's plan, and "meant to be." And I've read blogs where adoption is compared to slavery, and that it's "legalized kidnapping." I think I'm overdosing on adoption blogs, actually, because it's all starting to sound like noise coming at me from all different directions. I'm taking in all these different viewpoints and trying to make sense of it, this adoption. I think, 5 years later, I'm still trying to process this huge thing I did. Today, though, two things grounded me. The first was, watching a mom with her infant twins. On paper, she doesn't look like she could be a fit mother. She has an extensive history of addiction and mental health issues. Child Protective Services was thisclose to taking the babies from her at birth, but they didn't. And I watch this mom with her little newborns, so nurturing, and in tune with them. She knows their cries, the things that will soothe one, but not the other, and everything else about their little personalities that are just starting to develop. The way she looks at them, and talks about them is so incredibly loving, even when she's complaining about the lack of sleep. The three of them are so clearly bonded and meant to be together, it seems unthinkable that there almost could have been a prospective adoptive parent holding those babies instead. The second thing today that grounded me was, snuggling with my daughter in bed as she fell asleep ( yes, she still sleeps with me). It made all those voices go quiet, it made everything seem ok. I don't know how E will feel about being adopted when she's older, and I don't know how her birthmother feels about the adoption. But lying there snuggling with E, for a few minutes, I stopped worrying about it all and just was present. And boy, today, I really needed that.

1 comment:

TTABaby said...

I try to be better to distance myself from others opinions on adoption. There is no other opinion that I would not first think- hmm... thats an interesting perspective Ive never thought of that before. I found myself with adoption internalizing it and feeling like I couldn't be right not matter what. What is too often forgotten is the child in the middle of it all. No two adoptions are alike and thus there never will be a blanket right/wrong. I loved your twins story!

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