Thursday, September 5, 2013

An open letter to the Capobiancos...

Listen, I'm an adoptive mom. I get it. I know you love Veronica and that it was indescribably hard to let her to go to her father 19 months ago. After all, you had been raising her since birth for almost two years. I know you feel that you are her rightful parents, and that she should be with you. But here is the thing: Veronica's father has been fighting for her since she was a very little baby. He did not ever consent to Veronica being adopted. It was back when she was 4 months old, and Dusten Brown made known he was not only against the adoption, but willing and able to raise her himself, that you should have let her go. I said, I can almost understand how you couldn't let her go. She had been with you since birth, she truly felt like your daughter. So you held on until you were legally forced to give her up when she was 23 months old.

So here we are today. Veronica has now been living with her father for 19 months. By all accounts they have a strong bond, and Veronica has thrived in his care. And you. You are still fighting to get her back. This I don't understand. And frankly, my sympathy for you is zilch. My sympathy is for the little girl who, because of you, may be taken, once again from her home and in this case, taken from her biological family.

Like I said, I'm an adoptive parent. I love my daughter more than words could ever describe. But if she had ever been removed from my custody and given to her biological parents, I would really, really like to think I would have done the right thing and let her go. Not kept fighting for her. As heartrending as it would be for me, I hope I would have realized that at that point, this child wasn't available for adoption. See, adoption should only be for children who have no family willing or able to care for them. Veronica has a father who has proven himself to be a fit parent who wants to raise his child, in fact is raising his child. She is not available for adoption. You may feel entitled to her, but you aren't. She doesn't need "saving" or to be brought "home." She already is home.

My question to you is, how will you answer her when she asks you why you took her away from her father? From her family? Do you think uprooting her again will have no negative impact on her? If you truly care about her well-being, then do the right thing. Let her stay with Dusten. Stop fighting for her so that Dusten and his wife can focus on raising her and not on fighting you in court.

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